Valentine as a single

Enjoying Valentine’s Day While Single Valentine’s Day is a day of romance and pampering- a time when couples and love interests go all out to express their love.  This is all fine and sweet, what about those who are single? Can singles enjoy a day like Valentine’s Day as well- or is it a day that just feels like one big bitter rub in the face? Many couples actually enjoy Valentine’s Day on their own- it is all about attitude and how you choose to see things in your life. After all, Valentine’s Day is about love and who better to love first than yourself? If you are still single, it is okay to long for that special relationship, but there is no reason to feel down and unhappy in the meantime. You may not have a romantic relationship right now, but certainly should have a loving relationship with yourself. Use Valentine’s Day as a time to pamper yourself and treat yourself to something you truly want and know that you deserve. Give yourself the attention and love you hope someone will give you one day. It all starts with self love anyway and if you are able to love and treat yourself well first, you will also be able to do the same for someone else, and will also never settle for less than what you are used to giving yourself and know that you deserve. So forget about moping around this Valentine’s Day! Find something to do that you will enjoy and have fun doing. Some Ideas on what you can do are: Staying in and watching movies of your choice, while munching on some sweet treats Going out with friends and having a fun, singles night out dancing, dining, going to the movies, etc. Cook yourself a delicious dinner, light some candles to create a relaxing mood and cuddle up with a good book where your imagination can runaway with itself. Spread your love by sending out cards and/or baking cookies for loved ones in your life Make the most of this Valentine’s Day and enjoy being by yourself this time, because who knows- next Valentine’s Day you may no longer be alone and may have someone in your life to treat!

Marriage

Why Many Marriages Don’t Work The wedding day was like a dream come true. You and your new spouse officially started your life together and were very excited. The honeymoon was fun, sexy and filled with hope and promise for a bright, successful and romantic filled future. As time passed however, you find yourselves sitting on the couch hardly speaking, when you used to be able to talk for days. The sex exists, but is not as often or as hot.  You argue over things that are both little and big and find yourselves feeling bothered, annoyed and jealous over things you never felt upset about before.  Sound familiar? It should, because this is a pattern that is seen over and over again in marriages. With marriage having a reputation of being so wonderful and fulfilling, why is it that so many marriages fail to work? By definition, marriage is the uniting between two people in a consensual relationship that is recognized by the law- and for many, by God as well. So the definition of marriage is simple and obvious enough, but what it really means to you is the real question here. When couples transition from a dating relationship into a marriage, things seem to change for some reason. It seems that we believe we own each other in some way and have the paper work to prove it. You find yourselves not doing the things you used to do before you got married such as going out with your friends, having some alone time and enjoying certain hobbies, all because you are married and are supposed to do everything together. Before you know it, jealousy and frustration start surfacing when one or both of you want to have some space to do some things on your own or with other people. Another common thing to happen in marriages is the friendship taking over, where you both love each other very much, but have become more best friends than passionate lovers- all because you live together and hold the documents of marriage. So why does this all happen? Why is it that many marriages end up disappointing and not working out? Misinterpretation, illusions and incompatible views seem to be the answers. Misinterpretation:  Many seem to see marriage as a union in which both people have a hold on each other that strips away the other’s freedom.  The truth is marriage does not mean the two of you are no longer free. You are still two individual people who choose to share your lives together. While certain changes will be made to adapt to the union you have formed, you both should still be free to be yourselves and fulfill your individual life callings and goals. Illusions: A lot of us think of marrying the one we love and imagine a life filled with endless romance, passion and closeness that will automatically always be there. While the love and passion can always be there, it will not be automatic and this is an illusion we all have to forget about. A healthy marriage filled with love, passion and closeness is possible, but not without work. Falling in love in the beginning is always effortless, but the more time you spend together, the more effort it will take to make sure you keep the passion alive between you. This is not because people fall out of love over time, but because they spend every single day together, following certain routines, and if you do not make the time to break out of your routine to recapture the passion between you, you can drift apart. Incompatible Views: This one may seem obvious, but a lot of people with incompatible views get married with hope that once they are married, things will get better. Nobody is exactly the same and that is not required in order to have a good relationship and marriage. However, having similar views and sharing a fair amount of things in common will definitely help you and your partner build a marriage on more solid ground. When two people have opposite views and beliefs, they often conflicts, making it is very difficult and challenging to reach fair compromises, so make sure you and your partner share similar view in life, as well as love and marriage. As long as you keep these important points in minds and apply them in your life, you will be able to find a partner who truly suits you and can then go on to build the successful marriage you desire from there.

You are too busy doing what?

How Technology made us Rude and Lazy E-mails, text messages, voicemails- you name it, we’ve got it. Technology has created many creative and wonderful ways for us to keep in touch with each other, as well as make our lives easier at the same time. With our busy schedules, it is not always easy to keep in touch with friends and family the way we would always like to. The days of sitting down and having a nice, long phone conversation seems like a memory of the past and is a rare thing to happen on a frequent basis these days. Not to worry though, because with E-mails and text messaging available, we are sure to keep in touch with people properly, right? Wrong! One might assume that the more options we have with communication, the better we would be at it, but studies and observances have shown this not to be the case. It seems like the more options we get and the easier ways of communication become, the ruder and lazier we get. Everyone considers themselves important and expects others to see them the same way. If we do not get respectful and thoughtful acknowledgement from others, we feel hurt and upset and this is happening a lot these days. Text messages have replaced the “phone call” and even then people do not always keep up with text messages very well either. We have gotten used to receiving e-mails and text messages without getting back to people in a timely manner, if at all. It seems like as long we are being kept in touch with, everything is fine, but what we often forget is that our lack of manners to acknowledge these messages leaves the sender feeling unappreciated, unacknowledged, hurt, upset and even worried. In this world of heavy studying and long work hours, we all have a mutual understanding that there are not enough hours in the day, so no one is really expecting anyone to give them a long time of undivided attention.  That being said however, people do still expect to be appreciated and respected, especially by those they consider their friends.  With everyone just a click or push button away, would it really hurt to just quickly send an e-mail or text message back, letting someone know that their message has been received? It only takes a minute and will make everyone happy. Your friend will be happy and will not be left wondering and assuming the worst and you will feel better that you treated someone the way you want and expect to be treated. Oh yes- and don’t forget to give your friends a phone call if you actually have the time.  Many people have expressed their annoyance and frustration when their friends and family choose to text them rather than actually talk to them voice to voice. Text messaging is something you should only do if you only have little time to send a message out, but should not be replacement of real communication. So while we enjoy the pleasures of advancing technology and use it to our benefit (as we should), let us remember not to throw our manners and consideration out the window.

Top 5 Relationship Pet Peeves

Top Pet Peeves that annoy the other partner Let’s face it- NO relationship is perfect. No matter how much you love each other and no matter how many things you have in common and agree on, there is always going to be something that one person will do to bother or annoy the other. This has nothing to do with love, but more based on the fact that when two individuals merge their lives together, there are bound to be times when they will clash. You may feel like “one”, but you are still separate people with minds of your own and not everything about your partner will appeal to you, regardless how much you love each other. Here are the Top 5 most common Relationship Pet Peeves: Nagging - okay, we all feel the need to complain every once in a while, but when complaining becomes the main theme of your verbal expression, it becomes defined as nagging, and no one likes a nag. Nagging, to most, is annoying and frustrating and makes the person being nagged to like they can’t do anything right and they eventually grow tired of it and either leave the relationship or block out the nagging and stop caring. Lying - No one appreciates being lied to- especially when the lies are trivial, unnecessary and constant.  It is very frustrating for a person to have to deal with a lover who constantly lies about every little thing. Not only is ot annoying, but makes one wonder if there are bigger lies that they are not even aware about, creating major trust issues in the relationship. Drama Queen - We are all capable of having bratty moments and taking center stage, but there are some people who always need to be the center of attention and make a huge production out every little thing. This usually become very irritating over time and makes the other partner feel like he/she has to walk on eggshells, making the relationship very unfair. Indecisiveness- Not being able to ever make a decision and sticking to it is very frustrating.  A couple should be able to openly communicate and make decisions together. Both partners need to put their input on things and let the other know what they want, rather than never making a decision and leaving their partner to make all the decisions in a relationship. Promise Breaking- Nothing is more irritating and hurtful than a person who makes promises and breaks them over and over again. It shows lack of consideration for the other’s feelings and also means the person cannot be trusted or relied on. Do not make promises you feel you may not be able to keep, because besides being annoying, it also ruins character.

You Want To Be Lied To!

Why we subconsciously avoid the truth in relationships There are things we want to know about in our romantic relationships- and then there are things we don't want to know. We may think and believe that we want to know anything and everything about our partner, but the truth is- we are not ready and willing to accept the reality of lust, love and relationships- because if we were, we would not get so upset over so many things. Understanding the reality of love and relationships is the key that will help you achieve the true happiness that you claim you want to have in your life. So what is the reality when it comes to love and relationships? Freedom! Yes, that's right- love is free. Until you accept this reality, you will never be happy. As soon as a relationship involves one or two people trying to change each other and control certain things, it is no longer free and love without freedom cannot really be defined as true love. You have heard it all before and have probably even said it yourself that love should be unconditional. You may have even told someone that you love them unconditionally, or have been told that you are love unconditionally. Why then do we put so many conditions in our romantic love relationships? As a society, we are taught that love is pure, loyal, faithful, passionate and unconditional, yet most of us rarely apply those things in the long run of a relationship. We say love is all those things because that is what we want love to be like for us. These qualities in a love relationship make us feel safe, secure and special and everyone wants to feel this way. However, what we often to do not take the time realize and care about is the fact that we are always focus on how we can achieve all this unconditional love from someone, rather than how we can achieve at giving it. It is only natural though, which also means one thing: the person you truly love unconditionally in a romantic relationship is yourself ! As selfish as it may sound, it is true. When you are out looking for a perfect partner, you are looking for someone who will treat “you” right, who will love “you”, be faithful to “you”, feel most attracted to “you”, as well as someone who will accept “you” just the way “you” are. We are al looking out for ourselves, looking for a relationship we will feel be a healthy and worthy investment that will result in us getting what we want. In return, we will of course love our partners back (and genuinely), but not for free. Love is not something we just give out like charity. Our love is precious and must be earned. We have to feel convinced that someone is worth our time, and worth sharing our emotional and physical being with. We are constantly observing our partners behaviors and trying to calculate whether they are meeting up to “our expectations”- and if they are not, we try to find ways to alter our relationship until it feels like a perfect fit. Honestly, there is no perfect fit. You cannot custom make a relationship to fit your needs and desires only. This is because a relationship involves two people, two individuals. It may seem obvious and cliché to mention that it takes compromise in order to make a relationship work, but it is still very necessary to say. You must remind yourself over and over again that true love is about working together and accepting your partner who he/she really is- not accepting him/her as the person you custom designed (or wish you could custom design anyway). Again, this may sound like common sense, and it is, but most us are not applying that, for if we were, we would be enjoying true relationship bliss. So, how can you truly be happy and feel secure in a relationship? By accepting reality and choosing the truth over lies. You may claim you want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (so help you), but in a way, you want to be lied to. As crazy as it sounds, we all want to live some sort of illusion. We need that fluffy soft love cloud called” illusion” to land on so we can feel special and avoid pain, because let’s face it- certain truths do hurt and stab us in our emotional hearts. The good news is you don’t have to want to be lied to anymore! You can be strong and brave enough to take in the whole truth and reality of life and still be happy, satisfied and completely confident about yourself while in a relationship with someone. The following are some truths you would normally want to be lied to over or in denial about, but can now understand and accept: • Your partner will not change! Yes, people do evolve and do make certain changes (or adaptations) in time, but there are also certain personality traits that a person will always carry. If you really want to be with someone, you have to accept right from the start that they are who they are. Entering a relationship with the hope and goal to change your partner in some way will only end in disappointment for you, not to mention your partner will eventually resent you for trying to change him/her- and will probably rebel too- or leave eventually. • Being in Love does not Equal blind! When two people fall in love, all they want to do is be with each other all the time. However, it is important to understand that just because you and your partner may be in love, it does not mean one or both of you will not still find other people attractive. This is normal and natural, but does not mean that you are all of a sudden less attractive to your partner. Love and casual attraction are very different and you should not feel threatened by this (unless your partner crossed the line in any way). So just enjoy being in love and building a life with your love and do not obsess about who he or she may find attractive. This will only turn you into a jealous person ad will also influence your partner to walk on eggshells around you and even lie. • Your partner is still an Individual! Though you may be a “couple”, you are still two separate people. And while you both may share most things in common, there will still certain interests and hobbies your partner will have and want to enjoy on his/her own- and this is not something you should feel worried about or offended by. Doing things separately from time to time and fulfilling your individual goals is healthy and should be supported in a relationship. So do not expect to be attached at the hip all the time- let your partner practice and enjoy their individuality too! As you can see, these are very logical and seemingly easy tips to follow but without the occasional reminder, we can all find ourselves having relationship trouble over these little logical things. So just give yourself a reminder once in a while and remember to acknowledge the truth of your relationship, rather than lie to yourself about how you wish things could be or how you think they should be. Aritcle by Relationship Expert Alina. For advice on love or any other personal issue, please click here for instant advice.

Credit Crunch Love

Keeping Love Healthy with Money Problems Money may not everything, but it also isn’t just anything.  It helps us not only to survive, but also allows us to enjoy other luxuries and do many enjoyable things with the ones we love. Money also gives us the strength and confidence to chase after our dreams and assists us in making them come true. When money is short such as in the credit crunch and debt is involved however, it can affect your romantic relationship, no matter how much you and your partner may love each other.  This is because when you go from a life of comfort to a life of struggle and unwanted change, it creates stress for everyone involved and patience can be short.  When patience is short, it causes people to be easily annoyed with each other and they tend to snap at each other quickly due to all the worries on their mind. Can money problems and a credit crunch ruin a good romantic connection? It can- but it doesn’t have to! With all the financial trouble out there today, it is very likely you will find yourself in some money trouble sooner or later. Naturally, both you and your partner are going to feel concerned and stressed out about it, and that’s okay. The only important effort you both need to make is to do whatever it takes to avoid turning on each other and playing blame games, and instead work together in taking care of your financial situation.  As unpleasant as it may be, you both will have to make certain changes in order to keep your heads above water until your situation improves. This includes budgeting on things you never had to before and finding less expensive ways to enjoy life. Work together in finding romantic things to do together that cost less. It is essential that you keep your romance alive and healthy during rough times and not allow money obstacles to tear you and your love apart. Tackle your money problems together, but do not neglect your love life. Make dates to do something nice together that will not out a strain on any of your wallets.  For example, you can reserve a certain night for “movie night”, rent some movies and cuddle on the couch together with some sweet snacks. You could also cook up a romantic dinner at home, or go out for dinner and come home for dessert.  There are many things you can do- the point is to be attentive to your relationship and not get drowned in your money worries. There is time to work on finances and time to enjoy your relationship. Your passion for each other should not go on hold and there is no need to turn against each other, because this is something you both can tackle and conquer together- as a loving couple. Things to Remember: How you felt about each other when you first fell in love and focus on why you love each other in the first place Remember how supportive you both were of each other when things were going well. It is time to now supportive of each other through struggling times too. Remember that it takes two to keeps things good or to make them go sour. Team work is the key! Always be open to listen to one another, even if you do not always agree. Ignoring things, blaming each other or closing up to what the other has to say will not make your money problems go away and could actually make it worse in more ways than one. Tackle this together and come up with a plan you both like to help you both get back on track.

Are you in Denial?

Is He Really Worth the Wait, or are You in Denial? Dating is not always easy and finding an interesting person to even consider dating is often challenging enough as it is. So when we do find someone interesting enough, we often hold on to them, with the hope that the connection will grow into something special. The question you need to ask yourself however, is: How special is the connection between you and this “interesting” person? As women, when we meet someone we really like, we often become infatuated quickly and without intention, create this illusion that leads us to disappointment and injured emotions that we do not deserve. Have you met someone you feel drawn to romantically and want things to head to the next stage, but just cannot seem to get there? If so, welcome to a common situation many of us women find ourselves in. Is this new man in your life really worth your time and patience, or are you just in denial about how special the connection between you really is? It is important for you to be observant and pay attention to whether or not you are making excuses for him when he does not put in the effort you would like him to. Making excuses for someone is something very common that people do, especially women. When we like a man enough, we convince ourselves that he is worth our time by making excuses for his lazy and inconsiderate behavior. Deep down however, you already know whether he is truly crazy about you too, or not. Here are some signs of a man who truly does want you: He calls you and gets in touch with you (phone, e-mail, etc) as often as he can. Calls you when he says he will Pays attention to what you like (example: types of movies, flowers, food, music, so on) and then invests efforts in making sure he can provide you with it. So for example, if he knows Italian is your favorite food, he will try to find a nice Italian restaurant to take you to, because he wants to impress you and make you happy. He expresses his feelings to you and lets you know how much he likes you. He does not mind doing most of the chasing Now, here are some signs of a man who is not that interested in you: He takes his time to get in touch with you and does not seem very excited to talk to you again. Tells you he will call you, and then breaks that promise. Leaves you wondering about how he really feels about you. Not being emotionally expressive enough. Does not invest much effort in trying to impress you or set up nice dates. He seems relaxed and not concerned with chasing you all that much- leaving a lot of room for you to look for him. If you find yourself making excuses to any of the signs above that point to him not being very interested in you, you are not alone.  You obviously like this man a lot and like him enough at this time to feel he worth making excuses for, but…are you really happy? Sure, there are exceptions where we should give people the benefit of the doubt, but there is a difference between a mistake we can of course excuse and forgive and man who simply does not treat you well enough. Yes, we are living in modern times where women play strong roles in the career and work field and are not afraid to take charge and be aggressive, including in the romance department. If we see a man we want, most of us are not old fashioned enough to just wait around. We are ready to take charge and flirt, e-mail and call- if it means starting up a relationship with a man we want. While this is great and we should feel strong and confident enough about ourselves to do this, we also should not forget how men are programmed by nature. Do not rob a man of the fun he has in chasing after a woman he really longs for. As fun as it may be for you to be the aggressive one, the truth is, if you spend too much time being aggressive and getting in touch with him all the time, you are not giving him or yourself the chance to really find out how much he wants you. Do not be afraid to lie back sometimes and see just how much effort he feels you are worth.  If he really wants to get to know you and be with you romantically, then he will not miss his chance to call you, e-mail you, or make the time to take you out. So be honest with yourself and do not make excuses, no matter how much you like him. After all, you want to be with someone who wants you just as bad and shows it- not someone you have to run after and wonder about. One Important Note: Avoid the “Busy Excuse” Do not make the busy excuse for him. Yes, people get busy, but if you are not too busy to think about him, then he is not too busy to think about you either. If you really are on his mind, he will make the time, if only a moment, to let you know he was thinking about (whether through a phone call, text message or e-mail.). Sometimes a person can have a crazy day and this is okay, but if it happens too often, then it has nothing to do with him being busy- it has to do with him being lazy, and you are worth more than that!