Learning the value of friendship, and how that can help you make friends

Almost everyone would admit that having friends is an important part of life. Friends provide crucial emotional support, something that is part of the foundation of healthy adulthood. But the value of friendship may begin much earlier than the emotional support of a well developed relationship. Some experts believe that the single biggest predictor of a child's success later in life is her ability to make friends. In fact, some experts go as far as to claim it's even more important than IQ and grades. This seems to indicate that the value of friendship is far higher than most of us have assumed. Keep in mind though that almost all experts who study friendship state that what matters is not the number of friends a child has but rather the quality of the relationships. So knowing how important friendship is how can you develop productive friendships and if you are a parent help your child to do so as well? Here are some guidelines:

• The value of friendship begins early when children play side by side rather than with each other. This is called parallel play. These early friendships provide the basis for language development and help them learn limits in social behavior. By the time most children are around two years of age they begin to be interested in taking turns and playing cooperatively. Help your child by giving them opportunities to engage with other children.
• As children enter the preschool and elementary age they begin playing directly with each other. The games begin to have rules and kids will begin to sort out favorite friends to play with. By the time that children enter the ages between six to nine years of age they will begin to form close emotional bonds with their friends. Help your child by teaching them the social skills they need to function within the parameters of this age group. Kids who are the most successful at forming friendships easily take an interest in other people. They are not focused on being liked as much as they actively like others
• As children enter the preteen years peer pressure begins to escalate. They will be forced to make decisions concerning the friendships they have established. Encourage your child from early on to be a better friend by including everyone. Give him the self confidence and social tools needed to stand up to the peer pressure and sometimes bullying that occurs at this age. If your child is being left out this is an opportunity to help them learn how to speak up for themselves. This is also an opportunity to work on your child's empathy skills. Children who develop empathy at an early age are far more likely to be able to establish emotionally satisfying relationships as adults.
• Friends become of paramount importance as your child enters the teenage years. These friends will have an enormous influence on your child, how they dress, act and behave. By helping your child establish good friendship and most importantly productive friendships early on parents can help insure that teenagers are protected from some of the negative peer pressure that results at this age. Be sure that your teenager is aware of what your values and expectations are. Studies show that teenagers who have friends that share their values are less likely to engage in under age drinking, smoking or experimenting with drugs.
• Sometimes despite all the help from parents and other caregiver's children still have difficult establishing friendships. Some of the warning signs to be on the watch for are:
  • Depression
  • Reluctance to go to school
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Poor grades
  • Doesn't bring other kids home to play
  • Seems to get along better with adults

If your child is exhibiting any of these signs it is an indication that you should intervene in the development of their friendships. Carefully consultation with teachers, administrators and even health care professionals can be helpful should this situation arise.