Domestic violence

Domestic violence in relationships is a very serious problem, and one that is often difficult to not just identify, but also to stop. Many of the victims believe they deserve the abuse, and are unwilling to "betray" their abusers or turn them in. Domestic abuse often goes hand in hand with emotional abuse.

Domestic abuse can take many forms, and all of them are used as a way for one person in the relationship to take control of the other person in the relationship. The following are a few of the ways this domestic violence exhibits:

• Verbal abuse such as name-calling or putdowns, frequently in front of other people, in social or public settings.
• Isolation. A tactic of domestic abuse is to make the victim need the abuser, so the abuse may keep their victim from their family, and friends. Often this is done in a subtle way by badmouthing them, etc.
• Dependence. Many times the victim of domestic abuse does not work, and to exhibit control, the abuser will withhold money from them, making it impossible for them to escape the situation, at least to their way of thinking. They may start by suggesting that you work too hard, or that your kids need you to be at home with them, but it will gradually build up to further isolation, and dependence on your abuser.
• Harm. Some domestic abuse is just the threat of physical harm, such as "I will punch you if you do not do as I say." Other times it is actual physical harm.
• Much domestic abuse is sexual assault. Sex becomes a platform for showing dominance, or lack of control. For example, they may be skilled at making you reach climax, even when their advances are unwanted, and so you hate yourself for finding enjoyment in something you know to be wrong.
• Intimidation is also common in domestic violence. They use their status, stature, intellect, etc. to make you feel weak.

Domestic violence may be continual, or it may only occur once in a while. Victims can be anyone. Many people think that it can't happen to them because they are too well educated, or live in a religion that forbids it, or are too old or too young to be exposed to such things. However, domestic violence can be taken out on any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women.
If you are a victim of domestic violence, or know someone who is, there are three things that you should remember:
1. That you are not alone. You are not the only who is going through this, and there are people you can turn to. Even if you have cut ties with your family, if you were to call them and tell them you are being abused, they would likely open their arms and door to you.
2. That you are not at fault. Most abusers shift blame to the victim. "You made me mad." "If you weren't so stupid I wouldn't have to..." "If you did things right, I wouldn't have to get angry with you." However, it is not your fault, it is theirs.
3. That you can get help. There are confidential hotlines for support. There are people who care about you even if you have axed them from your life. There are shelters for women who suffer domestic violence, etc. Get help!