Question: I have been dating my boyfriend for
almost three years, and we are talking about getting married. He is
wonderful, kind, caring, smart, etc. I find him physically attractive.
He has a good job, and I know he will be a good provider. He is almost
everything I want in a guy, but he does not have a romantic bone in his
body. He has never once tried to surprise me, brought me flower,
chocolates, etc. He scoffs at Valentine's Day and romantic gestures. Is
it selfish of me to hold off on marrying him because I want someone who
is more romantic.
Answer: Honey, some of the biggest
romantics are also dead-beat dads, abusers, and scum bags. The charm
required for romance often comes in a package with players, users, and
abusers. I am not saying that you can't find a good guy that is
romantic, but what I am saying is that you have a good guy, from what it
sounds like, so why let him go for some dream of romance?
If you are holding out on marrying the guy because you want him to be
more romantic, there is probably more to it. You are probably facing a
bigger problem, maybe on you aren't willing to admit to. So, the
question is, are you really holding back because of some flowers and
chocolates? Or is it something more? You are the only one that can
answer that question honestly. So make sure you do before you decide to
proceed one way or the other.
It is true that you can't get someone to change, but I am sure if Mr. Wonderful were to hear about how distressed you are about not getting any romantic gestures from him, he might step up the ball some. Of course, some people just aren't hard wired to eat by candle light, and surprise you. So, if you want flowers, order some, and charge them to his credit card! If you want a romantic weekend away, you plan it and invite him. It can be difficult to make romantic gestures and not have any made in return, however, given enough time, it might start to rub off.
Last but not least, get a reality check. Ask your friends how often their man makes romantic gestures. While most will a few times a year, they are not daily things. Stop basing your ideas of what kind of men you want off of romantic novels and movies. The princes in fairy tales are wonderful, but most of them do not have full time jobs, money strains, and the pressures of every day life to mar their ability at romance. So, while it is great to find a man who can make romantic gestures, and it is hard to have someone who doesn't want to celebrate love, even on Valentine's Day, life isn't a fairy tale. You have a great guy, that is more than a lot of women can claim. So hang on to him, and enjoy it!
It is true that you can't get someone to change, but I am sure if Mr. Wonderful were to hear about how distressed you are about not getting any romantic gestures from him, he might step up the ball some. Of course, some people just aren't hard wired to eat by candle light, and surprise you. So, if you want flowers, order some, and charge them to his credit card! If you want a romantic weekend away, you plan it and invite him. It can be difficult to make romantic gestures and not have any made in return, however, given enough time, it might start to rub off.
Last but not least, get a reality check. Ask your friends how often their man makes romantic gestures. While most will a few times a year, they are not daily things. Stop basing your ideas of what kind of men you want off of romantic novels and movies. The princes in fairy tales are wonderful, but most of them do not have full time jobs, money strains, and the pressures of every day life to mar their ability at romance. So, while it is great to find a man who can make romantic gestures, and it is hard to have someone who doesn't want to celebrate love, even on Valentine's Day, life isn't a fairy tale. You have a great guy, that is more than a lot of women can claim. So hang on to him, and enjoy it!
No comments:
Post a Comment